Tarangela Mental Health Blog

The change is now complete. Yesterday, I wrote my first post on the new blog that is focused on mental health. The new blog is titled Tarangela Mental Health. Please check it out and I hope to see many of you there.

Because of this change, I will no longer be posting on this blog. I will keep it open, at least for now, but it will be inactive. Thank you to those of you who read this blog and those who wrote comments.

The Librariosphere Blog

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that there were going to be changes coming to this blog. The first change is now up and running.

Now, everything I write about regarding books, writing, libraries, etc. will be on The Librariosphere blog. So if you want to read things regarding any of those things, you will have to go to that blog. The address for that blog is librariosphere.wordpress.com

As a result, this blog will go through a rebranding phase where it may lay dormant (no posts) for a while. I’m not sure how long this rebranding process will take, but I will try to keep posting while it happens.

Thank you to all my readers who have been here throughout the years.

Change in the Making

I am considering a change with my blogs. Right now, there is really no focus on this blog. Initially, this blog was created to promote my writing, but that has taken a back seat and I’m not sure if I’ll continue writing books or not.

The change that may be coming will be splitting my blog into two different ones. I will have one for book reviews and other things related to books and writing. The other one, will be focusing on mental health.

Mental health issues are something that is very close to my heart because of family and personal experiences.

This change may take a while to be implemented because I want to plan it out a little more and decide how I’ll do it exactly.

I’ll keep you up to date on the changes.

Waiting for the After

I’ve been doing this a lot in the last year, maybe even longer. I’ve been waiting for the after. After I graduate… After I get a job… After I move… After the memorial… After I get diagnosed…After…

My life has become a list of events that I’m waiting to be done. Once those events have happened, I can finally live my life or make changes in my life.

One of my “afters” was threatened this week and it derailed me this week a bit. The “after” was supposed to come in a week and now it probably won’t happen for another two months. Doubt has also crept into my mind that it might not happen then either because it is dependent on something that is very unreliable.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who spends time waiting for the after. Why do we do it? It’s not like it helps us achieve anything. Sometimes waiting is good, but other times we use it as an excuse not to do anything until after that event or that thing happens. Sometimes that thing never happens and often when that thing does happen, we don’t do the things we said or thought we would.

Yet, we still wait for that after moment. I know I do.

I try to live in the moment but I often find myself waiting for the after.

You Have Weddings, We Have Funerals

My brother with our aunt at his high school grad. Her hair had just started growing back after chemo treatments. Both were gone 1 1/2 years after this picture was taken.

My brother with our aunt at his high school grad. Her hair had just started growing back after chemo treatments. Both were gone 1 1/2 years after this picture was taken.

This has become somewhat of a saying in our family. Over 80% of my cousins over the age of 18 are married, with one recently engaged. That percentage lowers to around 70% if you include my brothers and I in that number.

I have attended 7 viewing services (a service the evening before a funeral), and 6 funerals for 8 different people and I’m only 23 years old. There are some other funerals I may have gone to if it worked with my schedule and on the location. In contrast, I’ve attended only 12 weddings.

This past week has made me aware of the divide between my life and the lives of those I graduated high school with about five years ago. Two people I know got engaged this past week and a couple people I know had children. On the opposite side, I found out that the mother of one of my best friends has been diagnosed with colon cancer, possibly stage 4. Right now they are saying it’s stage 3 but there are some spots on her liver that they’re not sure about. I’ve met my friend’s mom several times.

While people my age are getting married and having kids, I’m wondering when the next funeral I’ll be attending will happen and worrying about getting tests done to finally get diagnosed with a condition that will make me struggle with infertility if I ever decide to get married and try to have a family.

My life is so different from those of the people I graduated high school with, I don’t feel connected with them at all and I don’t know if I would go a class reunion if we ever had one.

While a lot of people my age go to weddings, I go to funerals.

Dreams vs Reality

Everyone has dreams. It’s part of what makes us human and hopeful for the future. But what happens when our dreams meet reality?

Since I was a little girl, I’ve had three major dreams – two I’ve pretty much given up on because of the reality I’m faced with, and 1/4 of the other dream died this past summer. I’ve been left wondering if I have any dreams anymore and if it’s even worth making dreams if reality always seems to be against them.

How many dreams live in spite of the reality that those dreams are born in? Does the hope brought out by having dreams outweigh the devastation when dreams are shattered?

Oftentimes reality gets in the way of making dreams for me. I like to consider myself a practical and logical person and whenever I think about future plans my brain rules things out because they’re not practical, logical, or realistic.

At one point, a few years ago, I considered working in an orphanage. However, that hasn’t come to fruition and probably never will because it’s not realistic for me to do some of the things to get that far.

I dislike when people ask me what my dreams are because I honestly don’t know. Maybe one day I’ll have dreams but it will have to be in the realm of reality and I’m not sure how that works. I see my reality which currently doesn’t foster dreams.

In the battle of dreams vs. reality, reality is currently winning.

The biggest dream that I have right now would be to impact at least one person’s life for the better but that dream is very hard to know if it was ever achieved so I’ll never know how it fared in the battle between the dream and reality.

What are your dreams? How do they fair against the reality that you live in?

P.S. This year I hope to be more consistent in posting to this blog. I plan to post every Sunday so for those of you who still read my blog, keep me accountable.