It’s been a while since I’ve written on here. Truthfully, it had been a while since I’d written anything. Prior to this week, I hadn’t really written in my book since October 10. There were a couple of days where I wrote less than ten words. That’s a long time when writing a novel. No wonder it’s been over a year since I started writing the novel I’m working on. When I finally sat down to start working on it, I had to read over what I had already written before I could write anything new.
I’d like to blame my lack of writing on all the things I was dealing with the past month, but I know excuses will get me nowhere and it will not get my book written.
A Tough November
Considering Dropping Out
My November was tough. It started before November actually started, with me being frustrated with the college program I’m in. I kept hearing stories of people who had graduated from the program years before still not having jobs in the field and I felt like the program wasn’t challenging me enough. I felt like I either knew all the stuff they were teaching or I could learn it all while on the job. There were times where I felt like I could be teaching some of the classes because people would often ask me questions instead of asking the professor. I was considering dropping out of the program. I even applied for a job in the field I am planning to go into.
Health Issues
Then there was my aunt’s health. She was diagnosed with her metastasized breast cancer last fall, which was her fourth bout with cancer since 1996. In October, she regressed quite quickly and passed away on November 2, which also happened to be the exact day my uncle had passed away eleven years ago. That side of my family is a lot closer than my other side so it was tough. I often didn’t know how to feel either, because I was sad that she was gone but I was also happy that she didn’t have to suffer anymore and she could finally be whole again, living with Jesus, her savior.
All the while, I was dealing with my own health issues. In November, I hadn’t menstruated since August and I knew there was no way I was pregnant. So I knew there was something wrong with me. With the fear of possibly not being able to have children, I finally forced myself to go to the doctor about midway through November. Once I went, it seemed like everything was moving along quickly. At the end of the week, I had a blood test to check my hormones and I thought I was finally going to get my hormones balanced because I’ve believed they’ve been out of whack for a while because of multiple reasons. A week later, I hadn’t heard anything from the clinic, so I phoned there to see if my results had come in. They told me they had but my doctor hadn’t looked at them yet and I should hear from her sometime that evening if there was some concern with my results. It’s been about a month since I had my blood test and I never heard from them.
After not hearing from them, I was very frustrated and down, and even possibly depressed. My dream since I was little was to be a mother and even more so since I spent time in Mexico around children a lot of the time. This would occupy my mind a lot of the time during most of November and I would even tell myself I would never be able to have children. It is very difficult for me to accept that and still is, although I guess I don’t know if that’s completely accurate. One thing I do know, is that it will be even more difficult to get myself to go to the doctor now because of them not finding anything when I know there is something wrong.
Jobless
I mentioned earlier in this post that I had applied for a job in the field I plan to go in to. The application deadline was mid-November and after the deadline came and went, I was wondering if I would get a call from them for an interview. I had people in my family telling me that I was a shoo-in to get an interview. There was no doubt in their minds but there was in mine.
After a while, I questioned whether they even got my email because that was how they wanted applications and there are times when my emails don’t go through but it shows that they did on my email. For two weeks, I had my family asking me if I had heard from the job and I had to consistently tell them no. I got really annoyed with the questions and it added to my frustration during the month of November.
Last week, I found out that they had hired someone already but I still don’t know if they even got my email. But that doesn’t matter at this point.
November was a tough month for me for all the reasons stated above plus a few other ones, such as buses being 20+ minutes late, not showing up, or even driving past me causing me to be late for class, and various body parts causing me pain. Sometimes I wondered if I was being punished for something because it sure felt like it. Since November has ended, some things have alleviated but I’m still trying to put others behind me or deal with another issue that has brought itself closer to the forefront, which is money.
With Christmas holidays upon me, I’m going to try to work a lot on my book because I may not be motivated once the next semester starts. There’s an update in my life and I hope all of your lives aren’t as frustrating as mine has been the past month or so.
Mental Health Faith Liaison 