I Have an Aversion to Doctors

I have an aversion to doctors. I’m not entirely sure why, but I do. I don’t like doctors.

Maybe it’s because I had to go quite often when I was a kid. I got bit by a skunk and had to go to get shots many times. I also had to go many times because I had tonsillitis and strep throat several times in one year.

Maybe it’s because the last how many times, they haven’t helped anything.

Past Ten Years of Visiting the Doctor

The last time I went to a doctor and it actually helped something was when I had my jaw surgery which was almost eight years ago. However, after my surgery, I was throwing up blood, swollen for a long time, had to stay in the hospital overnight and could hardly eat anything for a week. So, it wasn’t all that positive of an experience. The hospital visit before that, I fainted during a blood test.

The next visit after my surgery was for an ear infection and got a prescription for it. The pills I got, gave me a rash and had to stop taking the pills.

Oh yeah, and the time before my surgery, I went to the doctor a month after fracturing my toes, only for them to tell me my toes were fractured, which I had already gathered but they couldn’t do anything about it. The reason I went only a month after injuring them was because my dad didn’t believe me that they were fractured and told me to wait a month before going to the doctor.

Throughout my high school years, I had trouble with pain in my knees. I went to the doctor three times because of this, for them to hopefully figure out what was wrong with them but they never did. I also had one doctor tell me that the pain in my knees was probably just growing pains. This annoyed me because the pain started happening after I stopped growing and the pain had gotten progressively worse over several years, so by the time I went to the doctor, I had the pain everyday and sometimes made it hard to sleep.

I injured my big toes a little over two years ago while playing soccer barefoot. At first the pain wasn’t too bad so I figured the pain would go away. A few days later, I played soccer again, but this time I wore my shoes. After the game, my toes hurt a lot worse than before and I limped for a couple of days which for me, says something because I don’t limp if possible. It was the weekend when I was limping so I didn’t see a doctor those first few days but I did go see a doctor about them early the next week. Yeah, he didn’t do anything or even find out what was wrong with them and they still bother me so obviously something was/is wrong with them.

So, that summarizes my last ten doctor visits in the last ten years. I haven’t been to the doctor, since a little over two years ago.

My Need to Visit the Doctor

I’ve read that some people don’t go to the doctor because they don’t think the doctor will believe them. Maybe this is why I don’t go often and don’t like to go. I don’t believe they will help me because they haven’t in so long.

With some research I’ve done on some symptoms I have, I think I may have an illness that will affect my ability to have children and could lead to a whole bunch of other complications. I find it interesting how the prospect of struggling with infertility motivates me more than the fear of death to get over my aversion to doctors.

I know I need to go to the doctor but I’ll see if I can actually push past my aversion to doctors and actually go visit one and see if they can actually help me with my symptoms and find out what’s behind them.


Never Know You

I heard this song today and I felt like it reflects well with how I am sometimes. I know other people could relate to this song as well and decided to share it with you.

“Never Know You” by Jonny Diaz

It started just a glance
That was gone without a trace
Like so many times before
My mind begins to race

But I will never know you
It’s not that I don’t want to
I just don’t think I’ll ever take the chance
You may be an angel absolutely beautiful
But I will have to leave it at a glance
This is my love song for my imagination
Cause it can’t go wrong in my imagination

There are possibilities
For happiness and hurt
But if I never play with fire
I know I never will get burned

But soon my loneliness will
Breed this discontent with
Never knowing what’s in store
I’ve paddled for my life and
It’s never ended right so
I’ll just stay safe upon the shore

Or could this be the first time
I make myself go walk the line
And find out what could really happen next
I don’t know where you’re off to
Or if I find you what to do
I’ll go with just my heart and not my head
This is my love song in hope of what’s to come
And if it goes wrong I’ll write another love song


Being Unpopular

I have an inherent need to be different and counter-cultural without standing out too much. I don’t follow trends really. I don’t generally watch the popular shows and movies. I don’t read the popular books. I’ve constantly had people asking me if I’ve read a certain book or watched a certain show or movie and my answer is almost always “no”. I just don’t do popular.

Most of the bands/artists I listen to, 99% of people probably haven’t even heard of. I could tell you my favorite bands/artists now and I can almost guarantee that you haven’t heard of them or very few of them. (See below for a list of my current top 10.) I love discovering artists that aren’t very well-known yet I love their music.

In sports, I often find myself cheering for the underdogs and disliking players/teams because everyone else seems to like them. If you tell me to cheer for a certain team, I will most likely cheer against them and mainly just for the fact that you told me I should cheer for them.

There are things I refuse to do because they are popular. I refuse to get a pinterest account and am reluctant to get instagram. I don’t want to just follow trends. I am an individual who doesn’t want to be one of the sheep doing what everyone else does.

About two weeks, I decided to watch a show that is popular now and I actually liked it. It was different that a lot of popular shows these days. Since starting to watch it, I am now hooked on the show. However, it kind of bothers me that it’s popular. I see people wearing shirts from the show and I almost feel like I’ve abandoned part of myself.

I have always been different. I’m the only girl in a family of five and was always different from my brothers in regards to interests and hobbies and a lot of other ways as well. I was never the popular one while in school and will never be because of my inherent need to be different. Being different is something that has been ingrained in me and something that seems to be inherent in me. If I’m too much like other people, I feel like I’ve abandoned myself.

What about you? Do you follow trends or are you reluctant to follow them like me? Do you do what’s popular or go out of your way to be different?
Top 10 Favorite Bands/Artists Right Now
In no particular order
Ashes Remain
Nine Lashes
7eventh Time Down
Anthem Lights
Above Only
Random Hero
Tim Be Told
We As Human