Waiting for the After

I’ve been doing this a lot in the last year, maybe even longer. I’ve been waiting for the after. After I graduate… After I get a job… After I move… After the memorial… After I get diagnosed…After…

My life has become a list of events that I’m waiting to be done. Once those events have happened, I can finally live my life or make changes in my life.

One of my “afters” was threatened this week and it derailed me this week a bit. The “after” was supposed to come in a week and now it probably won’t happen for another two months. Doubt has also crept into my mind that it might not happen then either because it is dependent on something that is very unreliable.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who spends time waiting for the after. Why do we do it? It’s not like it helps us achieve anything. Sometimes waiting is good, but other times we use it as an excuse not to do anything until after that event or that thing happens. Sometimes that thing never happens and often when that thing does happen, we don’t do the things we said or thought we would.

Yet, we still wait for that after moment. I know I do.

I try to live in the moment but I often find myself waiting for the after.

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