Today I can’t pretend that all is well with me. Yesterday my favorite hockey team got trounced in a playoff game making tomorrow’s game an elimination game. So I was already mad because of this. Then my brother told me that apparently the whole school which I graduated from three years ago hates my team because of me. He said that there were people who were bashing me because I call them my boys and because I post so many statuses about them on facebook when I know for a fact that many other hockey fans that post way more than I do.
Now it’s one thing to dislike the team I cheer for but it’s another to hate them because of me. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you but when someone hates my team because of me it affects me.
To be honest, I almost got depressed. My heart was telling me how alone I am and how much negativity I’m surrounded by. I wanted to cry but wouldn’t let myself. My heart was telling me that I should just stop posting things for people to see since they would just criticize it, hate me or hate someone or something that I really care about.
After a little pity party and standing on the precipice of depression, my brain started fighting back. Why should I care if people I don’t really talk to hate me? It is things like these which made me depressed before and why should I give them the power to make me depressed? I’m a loner, so what? Deal with it. Once you’re done the library program and have money to do so, move away from here and never have to deal with these people again.
So, instead of getting depressed, I got angry. On facebook, I even told people to delete me if they were going to hate me and my team because I call them my boys. I told them that I don’t need those types of people in my life and that it was partly because of them that I’ve struggled with sharing anything with anybody. At that point, I didn’t care what people thought about that and I still don’t care. I honestly don’t need those types of people in my life. I’m still kind of angry but nearly as much.
If you don’t like what I write or what I say, you don’t have to read/listen to it. No one is forcing you to. I’ve gone long enough without saying anything. This blog is one place I feel free to be myself and I won’t let those people take that away from me. I won’t let them shut me up because if I do, it will be hard for me to let people in again and they may just shut me up forever.
(Sorry for ranting like this but I could say a whole lot more and I just wanted to get this off my chest.)